Episode IV: A New Blarg

[lapacifidora]

I'm about to be completely and entirely frank: I had a craptastic day. Scratch that: I've had two craptastic days in a row. Today was worse than yesterday, and I started crying like an insane person in the car on the way home. It was all I could do today to not a) respond harshly to my boss' criticism, or b) calmly slam her face into a stainless steel kitchen table.

 

My first response in practically all situations is a flash of anger and an urge to violence. But after 15 years, I've finally arrived at the stage where that first response lasts less than five minutes, and I can then move onto a mature, reserved, logical reaction.

But I really wanted to hurt my boss - and most of my coworkers - today. Things started to snowball around 4 p.m., and were awful the last hour or so I was at work. I was spoken to like I was an ignorant, incompetent asshole today. I was guilted, which I particularly hate because I do not respond well to emotional threats. And I was told to redo the work I spent three-and-a-half hours yesterday morning doing.

None of that was what got to me: I spent seven years in school receiving that sort of treatment. I've face worse before, and I know I will again.

What made me want to shed blood, what put me in tears was that my boss looked me in the eye, after she said she didn't like what I spent three-and-a-half hours doing, and told me not to "half-ass' my assignments.

She never asked me how long I spent working on that assignment. She never asked me why I designed what I was working on the way that I did it. She simply assumed I "half-assed" the work.

I haven't half-assed anything I've done since I was a sophomore in high school and my fake grandparents looked me in the eye and told me I was too smart to be b.s.-ing my way through term papers. Sometimes I may not do something because I don't care whether it gets done, but when I have to do something, I don't half-ass it./ rant