lapacifidora | Entries tagged with rants: mild

OK. Reality kinds of sucks. I had a dream that left me happy and peaceful last weekend - but I have no idea what happened. My boss is a complete lunatic. (Who? Who decides on a whim that she wants to reissue her cookbook? More to the point, who doesn't request a final e-file copy of the manuscript for safekeeping? She honestly has no idea how to run her business.)

And perhaps, more than anything else, there's the fact that I've felt off nearly all week because the dream that made me happy also made me think there was something wrong with me. What normal person wakes up happy and then convinces herself that feeling happy can't be trusted? Who doesn't trust feeling happy and thinks it's more normal to be frustrated?

I hate that my boss puts me in positions where I can't give my best effort, that I let her put me in those positions and that I then put up with her complaints when she decides that - where she's put up with less than my best every other time - my not giving her my best is a personal insult from me to her.

( 'Introspective' is possibly another word for 'bitchy' where I'm concerned. )

I hate having white people problems. Seriously.

My sister got the good genes in the family. A year after having a baby, and she's now back to being as hot as she was pre-baby. (Plus, she's good at math and is funny.)

My brother never sent me a birthday card.

My mom spent more than $200 on fabric to make me two real "grown-up" dresses. And I feel like she shouldn't have spent that much money on me.

My car needs to be taken for servicing. (Oh, but yeah: I have a car. And it runs.)

My sometime-nemesis at work quit, and now I have to do her job and my job. I am not getting more money for doing this new job. I am, however, still earning more than minimum wage.

I hate that I don't have time to write as much as I want to because I have to work. (And I've been quoting Virginia Woolf to myself this last week, which is both stupid and pretentious.)

So. Yeah. My problems are horrible and awful and so lame because I've never had anything really horrible happen to me, with maybe two exceptions of things that were terrible.

Current Mood: cold
Current Location: Couch
Current Music: Community S1 commentaries

( Pity, party of 1 )

Current Mood: blah

So, I'm nearly done with chapter 48 of this Community fanfic I've been writing. Since June 12, apparently. (I just checked because I couldn't remember.)

I desperately want to finish it this coming weekend, because I want to move onto something else.

But also because I feel that it has become irrelevant because it is so entirely AU at this point it's not even remotely amusing.

It's also partly me being worried about being irrelevant, which comes from two years of having it drummed into me in my journalism classes that timeliness is key.

Part of it is also me being (perhaps wrongly & insecurely) concerned that there's only a small group of people still reading this insane piece of melodramatic shit.

I am, however, determined to finish this damn thing because I need to prove to myself that I can finish this. I practically never start anything this big (if I'm not being paid for it), and I've certainly never finished any of the stalled novels I have in notebooks and floppy disks.

I almost regret falling in love with this show & becoming active in the fandom.

/rant

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Entries tagged with rants: mild

Reality kind of sucks.

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August 2013

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