The Blarg Returns (Or, a long-winded rant)

[lapacifidora]

Today kind of sucked, despite the awesome and absurd episode of Community tonight.
***Rant begins***
First, I woke up late. Then I bought coffee, which I really shouldn't have done because caffeine is bad for my kidneys, and I'll be paying for a single shot of espresso in about a week.

Next, I still haven't gotten my second (last) paycheck from the place I was working, and I'm beginning to wonder if a) they're going to actually send it to me, and b) if it's worth pushing for about $250, especially when I'd just have to pay social security tax on it myself as I was considered an independent contractor. (And they should've sent me the check a week ago.)

Next, I kind of want to kill both one of my best friends and my brother & sister-in-law.
                I kind of want to throttle my friend - let's call her Raviv - because I feel she's treating me the way she did seven years ago, when we were still in school: Raviv was my friend, but she was also friends with a group of girls with whom I was friendly but not friends. When Raviv and those girls would have a disagreement, she'd come running to me for a sympathetic ear; I'd listen to her problem and offer my advice (which was usually of the 'Fuck them, they're being stupid' variety because those girls were usually being stupid); and Raviv would agree with me. Then those other girls would come round and "apologize" and Raviv would run off with them, forgetting whatever we'd talked about doing. I know Raviv appreciates my friendship and I understand that with both of us working (finally), we can't spend hours talking on the phone or hanging on the couch, but it'd be nice to feel like she doesn't talk to me only when she needs something. It's particularly frustrating as she chose me to be Maid of Honor at her wedding two years ago - with no prompting from me, as I think weddings are silly and I have issues with marriage. She could've picked her sister, or a cousin, or a friend from college, but she chose me, and I feel I owe her the benefit of the doubt in light of that judgment.
                 I kind of want to bludgeon my brother & sister-in-law because they have chosen, as their one major pre-delivery trip - I guess it's called the 'Baby-moon' or something - to go to Hawaii. Last year when my sister was pregnant, she came here for a week (my brother-in-law couldn't get time off from work). It was awesome, and I really valued having that time with my sister because I knew once she had her baby, she wouldn't be able to travel much and that she would have someone new to take care of and wouldn't have time to just hang out with me. (Disclaimer: I love my nephew more than I thought I would, and after a difficult delivery, I'm simply happy that they're both healthy.) But, my brother & s-i-l - let's call them Rob & Erin - have made it clear they don't think my parents and I visit often enough (sorry for having a life here), and Erin has given this bullshit excuse the last few years that 'It's cheaper to fly to Hawaii or Paris or London than it is to fly to Cleveland.' (Yet, Rob & Erin expect one or all three of us to up and fly to Seattle, which is considerably more expensive than flying to Cleveland, regularly.) I admit part of this is me missing them, but I also think it wouldn't have killed either of them to fly here for a week in November or early December and spend a little time with us, as we won't see them until May or June, once Erin has the baby.

Next, I kind of screwed up badly at work today: I misunderstood my boss, and send an email to the wrong person asking them to teach some classes my boss later informed me this person was unqualified to teach. I emailed the person back and was able to gracefully back out of the job offer, but I still felt like a moron. (Added to yesterday's dumb moment, when I asked a woman I talk to everyday if we'd met because I didn't recognize her dressed in chef's garb, including hat.) And, actually, that the wrong person is flattered because she thinks my boss thought enough of her to offer her the chance to teach these classes is a happy, if completely unexpected outcome. It's the first real fuck up I've made in nearly two weeks of working there, but I still felt like I'd managed to erase all the good impressions I'd made so far.

Then, the guy who sits at the next desk is kinda creepy, and makes me uncomfortable, but I don't know if this is just the way he is or if he's turned on the creeper charm just for me. Either way, it's the first time I've ever seriously considered faking having a boyfriend just to get someone to leave me alone, even though I'm pretty sure he's not actually flirting with me and he's maybe 25 or 30 years my senior. But he keeps asking these bizarre questions ('What are the first three presets of your car radio?' 'What school did you go to?' 'Who do you think is more badass: Dracula or Edward?' [I kid you not: That was today's discussion.]), and I don't really talk that much about myself when I first start working someplace.

Finally, there's the fact that I'm sick of this stupid fanfiction I'm writing. I want to wrap it up in the next six chapters or so, but I can't get the characters in my head to shut up long enough for me to actually get anything written. I hate that I've let it take up my free time, and if I didn't think I'd be disappointing/pissing off people, I'd drop it. At the same time, I still like the general story I've come up with, I still like the characters, and I'm proud of myself for having written something this long, which is longer than anything I've ever written before. If nothing else, I now know I am actually capable of writing the novel I've always wanted to write once I figure out the idea.
***Rant over***

My apologies for taking up your friend's page space.

Comments

[moeexyz.livejournal.com]

Okay, well first of all, breathe. I think that could help :P

I know how you feel about your friend. I have a friend who was exaclty like that, and I took it for years until we had this big childish fight. We're still friends but not as close.

I'm not saying you should have a big childish fight with your friend though. Just, I get how you feel.

I hope things get better.

[lapacifidora.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :]