Blarg Part Deux: Return of the Blarg

[lapacifidora]

I feel a little like that girl in "Purple Rain" because I feel like saying 'Maybe I'm just like my mother, she's never satisfied.'

Today was the first day of the trial employment period. (And where's a handy brick wall when you need to bash your head against one repeatedly?)

I got there on time. (Yay me!) I even got up on time. (I was shocked.) And I think I looked OK. (I wore a more comfortable pair of shoes, which helped, and I made sure to bring a jacket.)

But by about 2 p.m., I was ready to get the hell out of there. I found myself checking the time every 20-30 minutes, watching the numbers tick by until it finally reached 5:30 p.m.

It's not that the people weren't nice, as everyone seemed fairly friendly. (I'm ignoring the woman who was condemning Catholic schools right before I left beause they're "not prestigious private schools." Not like I'm all 'Yay Catholocism!' But I went to a private Catholic girls school, and I think I got a pretty good education. Also, those prestigious private girls schools? The students had even worse reputations than we did. So there.)

And it's not like it doesn't seem like interesting work or something I could get used to doing - eventually. But it's not working with social media, as the job description indicated. It's writing press releases. Writing something like that is anethma to me: Makes my skin crawl, my mind rebel, my shoulders hunch.

Also, I think I made a decent impression: I was polite, friendly, kept asking if there was something else I could/should be doing.

I think what frightens me is the thought that I could eventually learn to stomach this kind of work, and I can imagine staying there if they offered me a permanent position. I did not go to Journalism school to write press releases or do corporate communications. I went to J-School because I love writing and I saw journalism as a way to do something I love, get paid for it, and maybe, maybe help people in the course of doing a job. I went to J-School because I value what journalists do for society.

(Not that marketing doesn't have it's place and value in society. But I think it's place and my place are two separate places, with like a moat, and some barbed wire and like a windbreak and a fire trench and some milatary and customs agents in between. And maybe it's like I need a passport to get to the place where marketing has its value in society? Yeah. I think I need a passport for that.)

Is it possible I'm still overthinking this? Or that I'm being arrogant? Or that I'm simply batshit, ass-over-teakettle crazy to be questioning and thinking I should turn my back on this?