Blarg Part Deux: Return of the Blarg

[lapacifidora]

I feel a little like that girl in "Purple Rain" because I feel like saying 'Maybe I'm just like my mother, she's never satisfied.'

Today was the first day of the trial employment period. (And where's a handy brick wall when you need to bash your head against one repeatedly?)

I got there on time. (Yay me!) I even got up on time. (I was shocked.) And I think I looked OK. (I wore a more comfortable pair of shoes, which helped, and I made sure to bring a jacket.)

But by about 2 p.m., I was ready to get the hell out of there. I found myself checking the time every 20-30 minutes, watching the numbers tick by until it finally reached 5:30 p.m.

It's not that the people weren't nice, as everyone seemed fairly friendly. (I'm ignoring the woman who was condemning Catholic schools right before I left beause they're "not prestigious private schools." Not like I'm all 'Yay Catholocism!' But I went to a private Catholic girls school, and I think I got a pretty good education. Also, those prestigious private girls schools? The students had even worse reputations than we did. So there.)

And it's not like it doesn't seem like interesting work or something I could get used to doing - eventually. But it's not working with social media, as the job description indicated. It's writing press releases. Writing something like that is anethma to me: Makes my skin crawl, my mind rebel, my shoulders hunch.

Also, I think I made a decent impression: I was polite, friendly, kept asking if there was something else I could/should be doing.

I think what frightens me is the thought that I could eventually learn to stomach this kind of work, and I can imagine staying there if they offered me a permanent position. I did not go to Journalism school to write press releases or do corporate communications. I went to J-School because I love writing and I saw journalism as a way to do something I love, get paid for it, and maybe, maybe help people in the course of doing a job. I went to J-School because I value what journalists do for society.

(Not that marketing doesn't have it's place and value in society. But I think it's place and my place are two separate places, with like a moat, and some barbed wire and like a windbreak and a fire trench and some milatary and customs agents in between. And maybe it's like I need a passport to get to the place where marketing has its value in society? Yeah. I think I need a passport for that.)

Is it possible I'm still overthinking this? Or that I'm being arrogant? Or that I'm simply batshit, ass-over-teakettle crazy to be questioning and thinking I should turn my back on this?

Comments

[mrssnape13.livejournal.com]

No, I get it, trust me. No offense, but that's how I would feel doing work in journalism. I think it's a great job, and it serves a valuable and wonderful purpose in society, but it's not for me, and I don't think I'd like to have to get used to it. (I'm a fiction girl. ^^)

Hopefully something better will come along in the future? I hope this all works out! Who knows, maybe this will open up some doors to another job that you can see yourself loving. :)

[lapacifidora.livejournal.com]

At heart, I'm a fiction girl, too. But my family went through a rough patch when I was 8 or 9 and stable employment became important to me, and I saw journalism as more stable than just being a novelist. (More the fool me, eh?)

I really don't want to work for this company, yet I know I should stick with it for the sake of a paycheck and so I can actually look for something I will love. It's just tough to accept something that's less than what you want because you know you must and you have no other better options at present.

Thanks for the rah-rah spirit, tho. I feel silly for being so down on this job when it's like, It's a *job*. Shut up about it already.

[mrssnape13.livejournal.com]

No, I think you're right about the journalism thing, as far as it's being a far more steady job. That's certainly true. :)

I feel you, because it's like that with my job. I work in a pharmacy and I hate it with a passion, but it's a job. Sigh.

[lapacifidora.livejournal.com]

I'd almost rather work in a shop than do what I'm doing.

However, doing what I'm doing? More in the realm of what I went to school for than working in a shop. :/

[eleventhimpala.livejournal.com]

I'm probably not a good person to be offering you any advice (I'm not familiar with journalism at all), but I think that you should stay. After all, it's not permanent, you need the money and, hopefully, it will lead to the sort of job that you really want. I've heard about writers (of both non-fictional and fictional works) getting their starts in menial writing jobs.

I hope that everything goes well for you.

[lapacifidora.livejournal.com]

Yeah. That's why I'm at least *trying* to make an effort, even though I don't want to necessarily be offered a full-time job at this place.

And you're totally right: Meg Cabot (She of 'The Princess Diaries') was working as a legal secretary when she was finally published. (Hey, maybe I'll be lucky, and I'll find time to write tons of fic. Not.)

Thanks. :)

Blarg Part Deux: Return of the Blarg

[igotthepants.livejournal.com]

You're totally not batshit. I'm learning fast that the Marketing world and J world operate on two very different planes of ethics. And I really really hate the Marketing plane. It skeeves me out. But at somepoint you have to decide which benefits you more, a paycheck, or not a paycheck. And you can always take it & keep looking.

Re: Blarg Part Deux: Return of the Blarg

[lapacifidora.livejournal.com]

I keep forgetting that you're in marketing right now as well. I mean, I'm *fabricating* quotes. *FABRICATING.* I keep worrying Jan or Barb or Fred or Carl or Ann - or Jan because, y'know, it's Jan and disappointing her is like disappointing Mother Goose and Mother Theresa while kicking puppies - is going to come up behind me and give me a lecture.

But you're right: If they offer me a FT job, I can take it and stay there for a while *while* I'm looking. I may just end up hating myself a little in the meantime.

Re: Blarg Part Deux: Return of the Blarg

[igotthepants.livejournal.com]

I'm not making things up yet, but I'm very uncomfortable with the sales mentality. It's grody.

And the profs (Carl and Ann can both suck my vag for all I care, their opinions mean pigeon-shit to me), they can't knock you for trying to make a living. They know how hard it is out there. If they were to ever chide you, give 'em the middle finger and say "well, you never sent me any job offers".

Re: Blarg Part Deux: Return of the Blarg

[lapacifidora.livejournal.com]

It's completely grody.

It's less that, but it's like I hate the thought of going against everything I've been taught because the professors emphasized how important it was. :::shakes head::: gah.