Abed's All-Time Top 5 Best Moments (2/2)

[lapacifidora]

Title: Abed’s All-Time Top 5 Best Moments (2/2)

Author: lapacifidora

Spoilers: Season 1 and into an AU Season 2

Rating/ Warnings: PG-13; mild spoilers for my fic, series 4 of Doctor Who, and Frank Capra’s You Can’t Take It With You

Word Count: 6,281

Disclaimers: Not mine. Although I think Dan Harmon knows this friend of mine and based Troy on her… I also do not own: Sesame Street, Shakespeare’s comedies, The Shop Around the Corner, Life on Mars, Billy Idol’s Rebel Yell, Evil Dead, Barney, The Jerry Spinger Show, Goldilocks & The Three Bears, or High Fidelity.

Author’s note: This is an epilogue to my fic “There’s Only One Girl In the World For You.” I'd like to dedicate this to solsty, ravenecho, moeexyz, and jheaton, who all consistently gave me feedback and prodded me to keep at this story. I'd also like to thank mrssnape13, n_e_star and webeh, who all gave valuable feedback and encouragement. Thank you to everyone else who read, commented, prodded me for updates and otherwise made the last seven months of writing this less of a chore. And final count is: 
- 58 chapters, plus an interlude & epilogue
- 576 pages total
- Close to 230,000 words all together
- Started 6/12/2010, finished 1/31/2011

***

 

It was late when the group returned from Niagara-on-the-Lake, but not so late that they were ready to turn in.

 

(Excepting, of course, Professor Whitman and Emmaline, who had excused themselves and headed to their room with an undeniable spring in their step.)

 

Pierce kicked off his shoes and settled himself against the headboard of one of the beds, turning the TV on and flipping through the channels until he found an old Jimmy Stewart movie. Troy, Jeff and Abed had just settled on the other bed with a deck of cards when a knock at the door between their room and the girls’ drew their attention.

 

Troy slipped off the bed and walked over to the door, opening it to reveal Britta and Shirley standing with a six-pack of Heineken and Annie behind them, holding a king-size bag of M&M’s in one hand and a bag of pretzels in the others. He looked from the beer dangling from Britta’s hand to her face suspiciously and raised an eyebrow.

 

“Yes?”

 

“We’re bored.” Shirley volunteered, bouncing a little on her toes. “Whatcha doin?”

 

“We were going to play poker.” Abed said, not looking up as he shuffled the cards.

 

“Correction.” Jeff scratched his ear. “Abed was going to play poker, and Troy and I were going to try not to lose all our money to him.” He leveled a finger in the younger man’s direction. “He’s a shark.”

 

“I am not.” Abed tilted his head to one side as he looked at Jeff, then turned to eye the girls where they stood in the doorway. “It’s simply a matter of keeping track of the cards.” He punctuated his statement as the cards cascaded from one hand to the other with a flourish.

 

Annie, Britta and Shirley exchanged skeptical looks and passed through the doorway. Shirley hovered between the two beds for a moment, waiting for Troy and Britta to pull over chairs from the small table. She glanced at the TV and sank onto the edge of the bed Pierce was sacked out on.

 

“Oh, I love Jimmy Stewart.”

 

“Hmmph.”

 

“Which one is this?”

 

“‘You Can’t Take It with You.’” Pierce said, glancing at her momentarily before settling further into his pillows.

 

“Oh. What’s it about?” Shirley shifted a little further onto the bed.

 

“It’s about, well, it’s about this girl who falls in love with this guy who’s sort of a putz and goes around acting like he’s so much better than her because he has money and dresses nice and has a fancy job. And he does love her, but he lets his ego get in the way.”

 

“Does it have a happy ending?”

 

“Ugh. I’m watching it?”

 

“Fine.” Shirley glared at Pierce and stood from the bed, moving to the head and pushing at his shoulder till he moved over enough that she could sit down. “Then I’m watching it, too.”

 

“Fine. Just don’t talk all during it.”

 

“I won’t.”

 

“Then I won’t either.” Pierce returned Shirley’s glare, then turned back to face the TV.

 

“OK.” Britta looked back at the other four. “Looks like it’s five of us, Abed.”

 

“Wait.” Annie popped a candy in her mouth and chewed quickly. “I don’t know how to play poker.”

 

“It’s not that hard.” Britta said airily.

 

“Uh, we can’t play poker, either.” Troy gestured at himself and Jeff. “Can we play something else?”

 

“Like what?” Britta exchanged a disappointed look with Abed, who shrugged and continued shuffling the cards.

 

“Oh! I know.” Annie bounced in her chair. “We can play ‘I doubt it.’”

 

“What’s that?” Jeff looked at her askance.

 

“It’s what goody two shoes call ‘bullshit.’” Troy scoffed.

 

“I’m not a goody tw-” Annie began indignantly.

 

“OK.” “Sure.” “Cool. Cool cool cool.”

 

Annie looked put out but nodded and settled back into the chair.

***

Forty-five minutes later, Pierce and Shirley had taken the bag of M&M’s and were complaining loudly every time Jimmy Stewart’s character did something stupid, selfish or thoughtless to halt his romance with Jean Arthur’s character. The other five were nursing beers (although Abed had finished his and was working on Annie’s, after she’d taken about five sips and decided she didn’t like the taste of Heineken) and playing bullshit half-heartedly, as Troy had proven surprisingly good at calling the others on their bluffs – even Jeff, who had been well on his way to winning several hands.

 

“Noo!” Shirley exclaimed, crossing her arms and flopping back against the pillows Pierce had eventually offered her. “Can’t that idiot boy see he’s just digging himself deeper?”

 

“You said it, girlfriend.” Pierce shook his head and tsked, tossing back a handful of candies and chewing quickly. “Isn’t it just like a man?”

 

“Um, guys?” Britta leaned forward over the discarded card pile and lowered her voice. “I think Pierce is broken.”

 

“Uh, duh?” Annie replied as she frowned at her cards.

 

“No, I mean like I think he’s more broken than he was before.” Britta shot a glance over at the older man as he groaned when the actor portraying Jimmy Stewart’s father came on screen and began talking.

 

“Hmm.” Annie looked over at Pierce and watched as he exchanged a high-five with Shirley when Jimmy Stewart’s character walked out on his father. “His behavior is highly unusual.”

 

“Maybe he’s a pod person.” Troy said absently as he shuffled the cards in his hand, then tapped them against his chin. “Or maybe he’s a robot. Or a monster wearing a Pierce suit.”

 

“That’s unlikely.” Abed switched around a few cards in his own hand as he stared down at them intently. “It’s probably a combination of exhaustion and having the opportunity to express something he’s long thought but never felt he could say.” He looked up and caught Annie’s eye. “It could be argued that characters on an epic journey don’t so much learn new things about themselves as they do discover things they already suspected.”

 

“Really?” Annie’s tone was skeptical, and she couldn’t help glancing over at Jeff, who was studying his own cards.

 

“Sure.” Abed shrugged. “Take Ash in the ‘Evil Dead’ movies.”

 

“Oh.” Annie nodded. “Yeah.”

 

“Look, are we playing, or aren’t we?” Jeff said as he looked up from his cards. “When did this become ‘special lesson time’ on a Barney episode?”

 

“I think we’re more like a less-violent episode of ‘The Jerry Springer Show.’” Britta said, picking at a thread on the bedspread.

 

“Yeah.” Troy nodded enthusiastically. “Like, if we had a motto, it’d totally be something like ‘Take care of yourselves – and each other.’”

 

“Oh. My. God.” Jeff rubbed a hand over his face.

 

“OK, OK.” Abed held up a finger to get the other’s attention, then drew three cards from his hand and threw them down on the pile. “Three sixes.”

 

“Thank you.” Jeff shook his head from his seat next to Abed, and looked down at his own cards again. “Two sevens.” He tossed down the cards.

 

“One-” Britta began before Annie cut her off.

 

“Bee Ess.”

 

“What?” Jeff looked up and found Annie staring at him, her eyes narrowed and her mouth twisted down and to one side.

 

“I said ‘bee ess.’” She blushed a little when Jeff raised an eyebrow at her and the others leaned back. “Bullshit.”

 

“You’re saying I lied when I said ‘two sevens’?” Jeff’s jaw was set, and he tilted his head back just enough to look down his nose at Annie.

 

“Wouldn’t be the first time.” Annie said quietly, crossing her arms over her chest.

 

“Wha- why you- wha-” Jeff’s mouth dropped a little as he lowered his head to look her in the eye, and he sputtered, at a loss for words.

 

“O-kay!” Britta said brightly. “Wow, look at my wrist: Time for us to go to bed!” She slid off the bed and walked around to Annie’s chair, grabbing the brunette’s arm and tugging her to a standing position. “C’mon, Shirley, let’s go.”

 

“But the movie’s almost over…” Shirley gestured toward the TV set and glanced over at Pierce, who nodded in agreement.

 

“Five minutes, tops, Brittles.”

 

“Fine.” Britta smile tightly. “We’ll just go ahead and go, Shirls.” She turned and all but dragged Annie through the door. The others could hear the two talking quietly in the next room, but couldn’t make out what they were saying.

 

“Good going, Winger.” Troy mumbled as he stood and walked to the bathroom.

 

“What’d I do?” Jeff’s tone, coming from a younger person, could’ve been called whining.

 

“Nothing.” Abed shook his head as he gathered the cards back into the deck and reached for their box on the night stand. “It’s nothing, Jeff.”

 

“Hold on.” Jeff leaned forward. “You all blame me for this thing with Annie, don’t you?”

 

“No.” Abed avoided Jeff’s eyes as he slid the cards back into the box. “Not entirely.”

 

Jeff exhaled heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose, then flopped back on the bed.

 

“What’s going on there?” Shirley leaned over and asked Pierce quietly as she looked across as Jeff. Pierce shook his head slightly.

 

“He and Annie had some sort of argument.”

 

“Well, I knew that.”

 

“If I had to guess, I’d say it’s the two of them realizing that living together’s not as easy as they were expecting.”

 

“Well, we’ve all learned that on this trip.” Shirley shrugged and looked over as the credits for the movie rolled.

 

“No, I mean more in the ‘When Harry Met Sally’ thing about living together is not easy.” Pierce huffed when Shirley stared at him in confusion. “You know. ‘Men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.’” He huffed when Shirley’s brow just furrowed further.

 

“Not- not-” Shirley’s voice lowered to a whisper. “Not Jeff and Annie?”

 

“Yes.” Pierce shook his head. “Them.”

 

“Bu-but…” Shirley trailed off, as understanding and concern warred on her face.

 

“Think about it, Shirls.” Pierce levered himself off the bed and twisted to stretch his back. He gave her a decisive nod and shuffled toward the bathroom, where the sound of tooth brushing and running water could be heard.

 

Shirley sat there for a long moment staring ahead as the TV channel showed a preview for the next program. She slid from the bed and looked down at Jeff, taking in the dark circles beginning to show under his eyes and thought about how much he’d been frowning lately, how quiet and twitchy Annie had been the last few days and how little they’d been speaking to each other. She opened her mouth to start lecturing Jeff when he took a shuddering breath and sighed wearily.

 

She stared down at Jeff, and thought about when her family and friends talked her out of dating Victor. She thought about letting them talk her into saying ‘yes’ when her ex-husband, Warren, proposed. She thought about how sad Jeff was when Professor Slimcalves dumped him out of the blue but how he tried to hide it.

 

“Jeffrey.” Shirley said sweetly, tapping her toe as she waited for him to open his eyes. She frowned when he simply groaned and pulled a pillow over his head. “Hey, Goldilocks: I’m talkin’ to you.”

 

“Goldilocks?” Jeff removed the pillow and propped himself up on his elbows, staring up at Shirley. “Are you saying I’m a girl? ’Cause I’ll have you know, I am all ma-”

 

“Quit your gritching, boy.” Shirley put her hands on her hips and looked at him sternly. “Normally, I’d offer you a brownie, but, well, I don’t have one right now, and it didn’t seem to work last time.”

 

“Shirley, I apologized for getting into a fight last year, and I really don’t see-”

 

“I am talking.” Shirley raised one eyebrow and pursed her lips; Jeff pulled at his ear and made a ‘go on’ gesture. “You’re like Goldilocks because you go into a new place, and you try one thing, but you convince yourself that it’s too good for you. So you try another thing, but you convince yourself that it’s not good for you at all. And then you finally find something that’s just right, but you get scared and go running away when someone calls you on being indecisive.”

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever been insulted with a fairy tale metaphor before.” Jeff frowned and yawned. “No. It’s definitely a new experience.”

 

“Well, let me tell you something.” Shirley pulled herself up to her full height. “D’you know how that story ends? With the bears sitting down to a fresh bowl of porridge. You don’t know what happens to Goldilocks because she’s not sympathetic, and you don’t care what happens to her.” Shirley sniffed. “You don’t want to be Goldilocks, do you?”

 

“I guess not?” Jeff tried for a carefree tone, but sat up and ran a hand through his hair when Shirley just furrowed her brow. “No. I don’t want to be Goldilocks. But,” he looked up at Shirley in confusion, “I thought you didn’t approve of what’s just right.”

 

“I’m sure I don’t know to what you are referring.” Shirley’s reply was prim, though she was still frowning slightly. “It’s none of my business.”

 

“Right.” Jeff squinted up at her and took a deep breath. “Well, thanks for the advice, Mama Bear.”

 

“You’re welcome, Jeffrey.” Shirley reached out a hand, hesitated, and then patted him on the shoulder. “I know you won’t disappoint me.”

***

Abed tapped the ‘pause’ button on his camera, the image frozen on Shirley looking down at Jeff with motherly concern while Jeff stared at the wall, with a frown on his face. He pulled the ear buds from his ears, and sat back against the wall next to his bed.  He looked up at Troy, who was packing for the flight home, rifled through a pile of toiletries on his blanket, mumbling to himself, and wandered from their room.

 

He hadn’t meant to tape the entire hour; he just thought he’d tape an hour of the three of them playing cards, which he could then edit down later. So he’d tucked his camera into a bundle of clothes on top of his duffel bag and turned it on, intending to turn it off before they all went to bed.

 

Then the girls had come in, and Abed forgot about the running camera. He was lying in bed a few hours later, on the verge of sleep when he remembered it and got up to turn it off and put the battery in its charger.

 

It was only now, sitting in his and Troy’s room back in Vaughan that he’d had a chance to see what he’d recorded. He blinked once, twice and turned the camera around so the lens was directed at him. He flipped the screen around so he could check his framing and held the camera up, and tapped the record button. He stared into the lens for several seconds in silence and blinked again.

 

“Four.” He took a breath. “Note to self: Consider inserting this before the card game during editing.”

***

“Come in, come in.” Professor Christina Fairman held Pierce’s front door open and gave Abed a wide smile. “Happy New Year’s Eve, Mr. Nadir. Oh! Thank you.” She took the bottle of Prosecco he held out. “Between you and me, I actually prefer this or Asti to Champagne, but I’m afraid Pierce is a bit of a traditionalist.” She led him down the hallway to the kitchen, where double doors opened into the interior courtyard of the pueblo-style house.

 

Shirley was chatting with Britta’s roommate, Midge, at the patio table while her sons were helping Pierce at the grill.

 

Britta and Troy were sorting through a box of fireworks Pierce had dragged out of his garage, and arguing whether they wanted to use the entire box or not.

 

Annie and Jeff sat on the other side of the patio table: Annie was talking on her cell phone, and Jeff was occasionally interjecting a comment into Shirley and Midge’s conversation. Jeff had one arm resting along the back of Annie’s chair, and was playing with the ends of her hair.

 

Christina crossed to the refrigerator and stared into its depths for a moment before she found a place to tuck the bottle of Prosecco. She closed the door and turned to Abed.

 

“Now, we have both real meat and fake meat, so you just go ahead and tell Pierce what you’d like.”

 

“OK. Thanks.” Abed nodded and smiled at the older woman. “I’ll be out in just a minute. I need to check something with my camera.”

 

“Of course. Don’t take too long.” Christina smiled warmly and turned to go into the courtyard. Abed could hear her laughing at something Pierce said, and when he turned to look out, he saw her slip an arm around the older man’s waist and lean into his side as he put the hand he wasn’t flipping burgers with on her shoulder.

 

Abed pulled his camera from his bag and turned it on, checking the settings for lighting and sound. He turned it around and held it up in front of his face.

 

“So, I know it was supposed to be my all-time, top five best moments of our Canada trip, but to be honest, there were parts of it that really sucked.” Abed was silent for a moment. “And then there were parts that I didn’t realize were awesome until I was right in the middle of them, and I didn’t have my camera handy. I could have easily done my all-time, top 20 best moments, but I only have four so far. Although.” He lowered the camera slightly and looked out at the courtyard.

 

Christina was making root beer floats for Shirley’s sons. Pierce was taking half a veggie burger Britta had cut and taking a tentative bite. Troy was asking Midge’s opinion about the fireworks. Shirley was trying to take a photo of Jeff and Annie, their cheeks pressed together and nearly identical idiot grins on their faces, with her own cellphone, with Annie’s and with Jeff’s.

 

Abed tilted his head to one side and raised the camera back up.

 

“Although, given how differently everything could have turned out, I think this might be my number five all-time best moment.”

 

“Abed!” Britta stuck her head through the door and tried to give him a stern look. “Christina said you were here. Quit messing with your camera and come out here. You’re going to miss Pierce’s Dick Clark impression.” She laughed when Abed gave her a mildly disturbed look. “Don’t worry: I already asked, and it’s a pre-stroke Dick Clark impression.”

 

“I’ll be there in a moment.”

 

“Well, don’t wait too long.” Britta glanced away as she bit her lip, but shot him a look from the corner of her eye. “I think Troy’s going to try to kiss Midge at midnight, and I don’t want to be only one on my own.” She blushed a little when Abed’s eyes widened fractionally, and turned to walk back to take a patio chair next to Christina, who was laughing as Pierce and Jeff tried to get the TV the older man had moved out into the courtyard to work properly. Abed looked back down into the camera and smiled slightly.

 

“Definitely in my all-time top five best moments.” He tilted his head to the other side. “Maybe all-time top five best ever.”

***

 

Dean Pelton sat at his desk, watching as the screen faded to black and tapped a pencil against his frowning lips.

 

“So much for having a marketing video for the study abroad program.” He sighed and moved the mouse till the cursor was on the rewind button. “Now where was that scene with Jeff in bed? I need a new desktop background.”

***

Comments

[fangirl-101.livejournal.com]

"all time top five best ever" Awww Abed! Yay :D

Congrats on finishing this. You are amazing! (BTW, I have been catching myself wanting to use the phrase "awesome sauce" in regular conversation with people. But I have to stop myself because they won't know what I'm talking about, lol)

I love Jeff's arm across Annie's chair, playing with her hair. It's little things like that that make me squee.

[lapacifidora.livejournal.com]

Well, feel free to use 'awesome sauce' - I didn't make it up, y'know. :)

And thank you. To quote That 70's Show, 'It's been a long strange trip in Foreman's basement.' Well, kind of. But that's how it feels, anyways.

(P.S. I love little things, too. Like when characters do things without thinking about it - like, IDK, tackle another character to save them from a tiny explosion - so, yeah. Little things are teh most fun to write.)