![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lapacifidoraTitle: Introduction to Interpersonal Relations: To Illustrate My Last Remark
Author: lapacifidora
Spoilers: Anything through 3.08 is fair game.
Rating/ Warnings: PG-14, for language and implied adult behavior
Word Count: 2,967
Disclaimers: Not mine. Although I think Dan Harmon knows this friend of mine and based Troy on her… Blast From the Past belongs to Bill Kelly and Hugh Wilson.
Author’s note: This was prompted by westwingwolf after Jeff’s slip in “Studies in Modern Movement” that he’s seeing a therapist. She wanted to ‘see’ Jeff’s therapy sessions when he was talking about Annie. Sadly, perhaps, I have a gutter brain. That’s when I turned to honey_pie1 for help. So, I guess you can blame all three of us.
This is also partially inspired by the inimitable Saber Shadow Kat. The chapter of this title is from Johnny Mercer’s “Ac-Cent-Tuate the Positive.”
***
“Excuse me. I have to go to the bathroom.” Craig huffed in exasperation and stepped around Jeff, heading toward the opposite end of the restaurant. Jeff stared after the shorter man and shrugged.
“OK?” He shook his head and turned his attention back to the unhappy brunette, summoning his most charming (his mother always said so) smile as he approached her. “Hello, Annie.”
“Sit down.”
“Thank you. I don’t mind if I d-”
“Sit. Down.” Annie glared up at him from under lowered brows, her lips compressed into a thin line with such force that they paled beneath her lipstick.
“OK.” Jeff gulped and slid into the seat opposite her, scooting forward and clasped his hands on the tabletop. He waited as Annie stared at him silently before clearing his throat. “Is Craig feeling well? He seemed quite insistent on visiting the public restroom.”
“Oh, he’s fine.” Annie rolled her eyes. “In fact, Craig’s just a genius who thinks he knows what everyone else is thinking and feeling a-and needs.” She returned her glare to Jeff’s face. “But I don’t want to talk about Craig.”
“Would you like to discuss foreign policy?” Jeff offered helpfully. “Or perhaps you could explain why this restaurant, while perfectly nice, has such poor lighting? I find it awfully difficult to read the menu items clearly.”
“Maybe because it’s not a restaurant: It’s a nightclub, Jeff.” Annie raised a hand to her face and pressed her fingertips to her brow and sighed before shaking her head. “I want to talk about you.”
“That’s very generous of yo-”
“You know how to dance.” Annie jerked her head toward the dance floor. “And don’t give me some nonsense about being from way up north or Denver or-”
“Actually, you are the one who said I was from Denver.” Jeff shrugged and smiled brightly. “I never-”
“Shut up.” Annie held up a hand and closed her eyes, shaking her head before she slammed back the last of her cocktail. “Just- just shut up. Seriously.”
“But you said you wanted to talk about-”
“Where the hell are you from?”
“Why are you so angry?” Jeff looked at Annie with a pleading expression. “That’s the last thing I want to do-”
“Annie.” A tall, clean-cut man in a dark suit appeared at the end of their table and gazed down at the startled couple. He looked dismissively at Jeff, then turned what Jeff supposed was his best smoldering look on the petite brunette, who swallowed convulsively and assumed an air of indifference.
“Rich.” Annie glanced over at Jeff, who had stood automatically and was stupidly holding out his hand to shake the other man’s. “What brings you here?”
“The crowd, the bar, the music.” Rich shrugged and slid into the seat Jeff had just vacated, ignoring the outstretched hand. “You.” Rich shrugged. “The usual.”
“It’s nice to see you again, Rich, but that is my seat and Annie and I were just about to-”
“Join me for a drink at the bar?” Rich held Annie’s eyes and nodded toward the far side of the dance floor. Annie looked from her ex-boyfriend to Jeff and back, and then shrugged.
“Sure.” She stood from her seat, Rich following her around the table. She glanced back at Jeff over her shoulder. “Stay here.” She turned away, and then shot him another quick glance. “And don’t accept any drinks from strangers.”
Jeff sat back down and watched Annie and Rich weave their way through the crowd of dancers to the bar, where they each ordered a drink. He tapped his fingers against the table cloth, adjusted the alignment of the wine list so it was exactly parallel to the table edge and counted to 100 by increments of five before he stood, straightened his suit jacket and followed Annie to the bar.
He came upon Rich, who was leaning much too close to Annie, who was, in turn, holding her drink in front of her like a shield. He squared his shoulders and looked at Rich.
“Please excuse this interruption.” Jeff continued, without waiting for the other man to respond and turn to Annie. “Pardon me, Annie, but isn’t Rich just a butt and a medical degree?” He took a step back when Annie choked on her drink and sprayed a little of it in his direction. He reached around her other side and retrieved a cocktail napkin, which he handed her after gesturing with it at her mouth.
“What?” Annie gasped, dabbing at her lips and shooting a worried glance at Rich.
“Excuse me?” Rich set his drink down and made to step toward Jeff.
“I’m sorry.” Jeff shook his head. “A butt, a good wardrobe and a medical degree?” He glanced at the other man from the corner of his eye. “And boring?”
“Who are you calling boring, bozo?” Rich brushed off the restraining hand Annie set on his shoulder.
“You are correct.” Jeff tugged at his shirt cuffs, glancing down before pinning Rich with a skeptical gaze. “I don’t really know you well enough to know what your faults are.”
“Exactly.” Annie stepped toward Jeff, laying her hand on his arm. “Let’s just go back to the table-”
“And isn’t that really the problem?” Jeff turned to face Rich fully. “I don’t know you that well; based on what she’s said, Annie didn’t know you that well; even Craig didn’t know you that well, and he’s Annie’s best friend. You’re an unknown quantity: You could be hiding all manner of unpleasant or illegal behaviors.”
“Jeff.” Annie’s voice held a stern note. “That is enough.”
“Yeah.” Rich brushed at some imaginary lint on his jacket lapel. “You wouldn’t want to say something you couldn’t take back.”
“If I was wrong, I would admit as much.”
“But I would still have to kick your ass.” Rich stepped into Jeff’s personal space, lifting his chin defiantly. Jeff blinked at him, once, slowly, and took a step back, removing Annie’s hand from his arm carefully before raising both his fists in a classic boxing stance.
“I should warn you, Rich: I do know how to defend myself.”
“That is enough!” Annie looked between the two men and stomped her foot. “From both of you. Cut it out.”
“Annie’s right.” Rich nodded once and turned halfway back to the bar, retrieving his drink and downing the remaining liquid.
“Alright.” Jeff dropped his defensive stance slightly and nodded, looking down at Annie with a small smile. “I agree. I’d really rather not fig-”
“Jeff!” Annie blurted, interrupting him. Jeff’s fists came up automatically and he popped Rich in the nose with a left hook, halting the hammer-fisted throw of the other man.
“Oh! I am sorry.” Jeff shrugged and looked back at Annie. “I didn’t want you to see-”
“No!” Jeff turned at Annie’s exclamation and blocked Rich’s next two punches, landing another hit on the doctor’s nose and a one on the upper edge of his cheekbone, with enough force to leave the other man dazed.
Rich shook off his dizziness and stumbled away, muttering curses under his breath. Annie and Jeff watched him go silently, and then Jeff turned to Annie.
“Annie, I’m terribly sorry you had to see that. I am not a violent person-”
“Forget it.” Annie grabbed her purse and turned away. “I’m going home.”
“But Annie! Annie, wait!” Jeff called out as he tripped after her, following her across the dance floor and through the dining area. He lost sight of her when a waiter crossed his path, but quickly picked her out of the crowd of people in the lobby, her shiny dark hair swinging back and forth as she stalked toward the entrance.
“Well, well, well.” Craig appeared in front of Jeff suddenly, and swirled his frothy pink drink in its bell shaped glass with a curly, neon orange straw. “What’s the rush, big guy?”
“I-I need to talk to Annie.” Jeff made to step around the smaller man, who clucked his tongue and matched Jeff step for step.
“You can talk to Annie later.” Craig took a long draw on his straw and adjusted his glasses before cupping Jeff’s elbow and trying to turn him around. “Right now, we should be focused on finding you a little companionship for the evening.” He giggled quietly and then made a small grunting noise when Jeff resisted any attempt to turn him from the doors Annie had just walked through. “Jeffrey.” Craig tugged on Jeff’s arm as he whined. “What do you want to talk to her for, anyway? She’s all-” He waved the hand holding his drink. “Huffy.”
“I need to apologize.” Jeff looked down at the shorter man. “I punched her ex-boyfriend.”
“Whoa.” Craig dropped Jeff’s arm and held a hand, shaking his head. “Whoa.” He shook his head a final time. “You punched Rich? Wait, wait.” He shook a single finger and then pushed his glasses up his nose. “Better question: Rich is here? And he’s injured?”
“I think he’s a little out of sorts, actually.” Jeff scratched the back of his neck. “I did hit him kind of hard the last time. I don’t think he’s in full possession of his faculties at the moment.”
“Injured and confused, you say?” Craig raised a single eyebrow and glanced from Jeff to the door over his shoulder. “Well. I should probably go check on him. It would only be the right thing to do, you know?” He reached up and patted Jeff on the shoulder again. “You go get her, champ.” He dropped his voice as he leaned in before turning and walking away. “If you hurry, you can still catch her. She’s awful about remembering where she parked.”
“Thanks, Craig.” Jeff watched the shorter man wander away and shook his head, a rueful grin on his face. “He’s such a good Samaritan.” He turned his attention back to the doors and jogged toward them, bursting into the parking lot breathlessly. He looked around for a minute, the panic rising in his throat for a moment before he spotted her walking down a distant row of cars, and he took a deep breath before sprinting toward her. He slowed his pace as he came up behind her, trying to catch his breath as she finally spotted the car and turned in between two cars.
“Annie!” Jeff knocked on the passenger side window, starting when Annie shrieked and dropped her keys, stumbling back against the car behind her and falling.
“Shit.” Annie swore as Jeff came round the side of the car and knelt next to her. “Ow.”
“Are you alright?” He reached out, his hand hovering over hers where she clutched her knee.
“Fuck off.” Annie bit out, glaring at him.
“Is it your knee?”
“Leave. Me. Alone.” Annie retrieved her keys and made to stand, bracing herself against the cars on either side. She stumbled a little when she got to her feet and Jeff stepped forward quickly, catching her and pulling her to his chest. Annie huffed out a breath against the fabric of his shirt, and then pushed him away. She hobbled over to the driver’s side door and unlocked it, lowering herself carefully into the seat. She winced when Jeff closed the door and jogged around the hood, slipping into the passenger seat, and glared over at him. “I didn’t unlock your door.”
“Automatic door locks.” Jeff pointed down at the car door interior as he buckled his seat belt.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Annie gripped the steering wheel tightly in both hands, breathing shallowly in an attempt to distract herself from the pain in her knee and ankle.
“Wherever you’re headed.” Jeff tilted his head as he looked at her, his usual innocently blank expression replaced with a stern look. He continued, his voice lower than earlier. “I can’t possibly let you go off on your own when you’re injured.”
“Get out.”
“No.”
“I can take care of myself.” Annie pinned him with a meaningful look and Jeff suspected she wasn’t simply referring to her injured leg. She sighed and inserted the key into the ignition, slowly moving her foot to the gas pedal as she shifted into drive.
They were silent until they reached Annie’s house, at which point Jeff asked, only once, if she needed help getting to the door. She glared at him but didn’t answer, instead hobbling up the slight embankment from her driveway and crossing the lawn to her front stoop. Jeff followed her in and waited until she had settled on her couch before asking where her first aid kit was. She slumped back against the cushions, closing her eyes, and gestured vaguely in the direction of the kitchen. Jeff nodded and returned several minutes later with a glass of water in one hand and a box of bandages in the other.
Jeff sat on the edge of Annie’s coffee table and set the open first aid kit next to him, then gingerly lifted her ankle from the floor and set it against his leg. He prodded her ankle gently, watching her reactions before pulling the emergency ice pack from the kit and crushing it to activate it, then laid it atop her ankle. Next, he leaned forward, and examined the tear in her tights, though which he could see raw, red skin dotted with brown and black dots. He looked up at her.
“Your stockings are ruined, right?”
“What?” Annie raised her head and looked down at him. “Oh. Yeah. Shoot.” She reached out, tracing the edge of the tear. “I liked this pair, too.”
“OK.” Jeff reached out, his fingers brushing against hers as he grasped both edges of the rent fabric and pulled, tearing it further until he could see the full extent of her scraped knee. “Ew.” He turned and pulled out a disinfectant wipe and gently cleaned away the dirt and asphalt, wincing when she hissed as the brown bits of dried blood came away and the scratches welled anew. “Sorry.” He blew on the scrape for a few seconds before he dabbed it with antibacterial cream and covered it with a gauze pad that he taped in place.
“S’okay.” Annie replied quietly and Jeff looked up to find her wide, dark eyes fixed on his face. “Thanks.” She swallowed and sat up a little, biting her lower lip. “I’m not usually clumsy.”
“I noticed.” Jeff smiled softly. “That’s good, actually. I imagine it’d be boring having to always be patching you up – or carrying you everywhere.”
“That’d be-” Annie paused for a long moment.
“Strange?”
“I was going to start with insulting and misogynistic, but strange works, too.” Annie smiled at him, and Jeff smiled back, lifting her ankle off his leg and shifting to sit next to her on the couch. They were silent for a few minutes before Jeff exhaled a loud breath.
“To hell with it.” He muttered.
“Wha-” Annie began but was interrupted as Jeff’s mouth connected to hers, her question turning into a pleased noise in the back of her throat. She wrapped her arms around his neck, falling back against the arm of the couch and pulling him with her.
Jeff distantly heard the thud of the ice pack hitting the floor as Annie shifted, but was distracted with his self-appointed task of running his hand up the outside of her uninjured leg, from ankle to hip. He traced his fingers along the waistband of her tights, smiling into their kiss when she moaned and arched her back, pressing her body against his. Jeff felt a corresponding tightening in the pit of his own stomach and shifted slightly so he could press a hand against the juncture of her thighs.
“Annie.”
“Hmm.” Annie simply sighed when Jeff kissed along her jaw to her ear, but gave no indication that she felt his fingers pressing against her center insistently.
“Wait.” Jeff pulled back enough that he could look down between them and frowned. It looked like his hand was in the correct place. He glanced up at her face: Was it simply that she was so unused to all this that it didn’t register? She met his frown with a puzzled expression.
“What?”
“Um.” Jeff pressed a quick kiss to the corner of her mouth and pulled back a little farther, grabbing the hem of her skirt and flipping it up past her waist.
“Jeff!” Annie smacked his shoulder. She was silent as Jeff’s mouth moved soundlessly and raised her head a little, looking down her body as well. She looked back up at him and shrugged when he met her gaze. “What?”
Jeff looked back down at where Annie’s abdomen should be and stared at the empty space where he could simply see down to the couch below them. He groaned and dropped his head to her shoulder, his hand moving to lie on her waist.
***
With a groan, Jeff awoke, the TV opposite his couch playing the opening credits of a movie quietly. He wiped one hand down over his face and shifted the fingers of the hand he had tucked under the waistband of his jeans before pinching the bridge of his nose.
Of all the times for his imagination to fail him.
***
